Homosexuality brings us such difficult emotions, it can quickly be fruitless to try and have a conversation with someone you disagree with. Hopefully this post will be helpful. Here are a few suggestions:
- Start by making sure you are not becoming too emotion with this issue.
Some times we get so wrapped up in the
emotion of it we cannot practice good self control. We become the people who are responding poorly. Though I was not really nervous about this being the
situation for me when I had a conversation with the gay pastor, I was a little concerned about this being the case for the people in my congregation and possibly for the gay pastor himself. As it turned out everyone was pretty controlled and did a good job in this area.
- Be very careful with the words you use and the tone you use them in.
Most kids struggle with this very issue. They may say the right thing in the wrong way or with the wrong tone. Their parents need to teach them to be careful about the non-verbal signals or the verbal ones they don't even realize they are sending. We should not teach them to lie, but
definitely to be careful and control the signals they send. Adults struggle with the same things, the signals are often more subtle, but they are there.
Listen intently to what they say. We should be very interested in the argument or statement that person is saying. If it is at all possible, we don't want to group them with everyone else.
- Ask questions at least as often as you make statements.
In my conversation with the gay pastor I would often look at scripture and make a statement. After making that statement I would ask a question and allow him to respond. This did two things. It allowed me to make my argument
whithout being over bearing or even unfair. It showed I was
truly interested in what he had to say (I was) and it caused him to have to think about the argument I brought up.
- Don't try to win the argument, try to win the heart.
If your goal is to win, schedule a debate with rules and all of that. Proving you are right will probably not be very effective in changing a persons mind. It will make you look like a "know it all." The goal is to plant doubt about the pro-gay position and lend credibility to a Biblical understanding. If you can accomplish that you are on your way.
3 Comments:
Dear John
My first 'dear John' letter). I read your blog with interest as I have occasion to relate with pro gay people on a fairly regular basis. I find it interesting that gay acquaintances have no problem with my stand on homosexuality because they know that I have always been accepting of them. The man who introduced me to my husband is homosexual, and still he was playing cupid because he was friends with both of us. Yet among my own family members, no matter how carefully I tread, I have been demonized and labeled as a harsh, judgmental, insane right-wing extremist.
I take it all in stride. I believe the most vehement arguments come from those whose consciences are bothering them about whatever issue, including this one. So the Spirit must be working on them. Hallelujah! I have been denied familial ties but they cannot ban my prayers for them. I look forward to seeing how God works in their lives.
Well, I just realized that the blog owner has to approve my response to your blog. So please, delete the 10 that followed the first. I thought I was just having a problem posting!
Consider them deleted!! I think this is one of those issues that some people are simply not willing to have a civilized discussion about. It is also an issue that can side track some Christians from what they should be focusing on and that is salvation. Keep praying!!
Joan, you might also be interested in the previous two blogs on this same issue. This one is probably my last one.
P.S. I hope the fact that this was a "dear john" letter doesn't mean you won't be reading my blog any longer. Unfortunately it is not my first dear John letter.
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